Sorry!

I'm a horrible person, I know. But I decided at the last minute to switch from Tron to the original Legend of Zelda for my review, and I didn't finish Zelda in time for a review today. So next Saturday I will have a Tron review, and sometime before that a Legend of Zelda review (and so you know, I didn't actually play the original Zelda as a kid, I started with Link to the Past.

Should I watch Silent Hill?

The long and short of it: Probably not
When was it made: 2006

Christophe Gans has the potential to be either a fantastic adapter of darker video games to film or the Uwe Boll of horror(and I really hope it turns out to be the first), but his first foray into the video game world, Silent Hill, catches the scenery but not the point. When I watch horror I want one of two things: to be genuinely scared or to receive a new insight into the human condition. Silent Hill delivers the first one for the first bit of the movie and acts like it covers the second during the end of the movie, but neither one really pans out.

Silent Hill is based on a game franchise that is still in existence, so chances are if you play video games you've heard at least the name, and as a gamer I know I try to catch video game movies so I can see how badly they flubbed up the interpretation. With a second movie in the pipeline, some people may be interested in catching up on the first movie or seeing why they're going ahead with a second: although the movie panned out critically it still did make a profit.

Now let me remind you that this is a horror film and while not a gorno it does involve it's fair share of violence and viscera (if you couldn't tell from the picture above). Also, even though I do complain that the movie wasn't very scary throughout, it does have its tense scenes and some rather disturbing visuals, so if you don't like scary movies than back away. They do (kind of?) deal with some religious issues, but I don't think it's a problem: they don't really deal with any real world religions and there are no qualms that it is the people involved and not religion itself that is shown as evil. So if you want a moderate scare and some very good scenery and shot set ups, than feel free to watch Silent Hill. But if you are looking for something absolutely terrifying or a movie up to your eyes with blood and tits, then move along, stranger.

Alright, you can probably guess I wasn't a big fan of the movie, but mostly because it felt like they walked to the precipice of making a great film, looked over the edge, had a picnic, and then went back to mediocre town for ice cream and post production. I'd like to discuss this movie in terms of my criteria for scary media: terror and insight. First, terror. For the first hour, the movie is genuinely terrifying. It uses a great sense of suspense and isolation to create an atmosphere both isolation and claustrophobia: no matter how big the town actually is, there was always a sense that you were alone in a cage. I love that every time the air-raid sirens sounded, I immediately felt scared. I knew that was the time of monsters, when no one was safe and anything could happen. And then they stopped. An hour in, they took what had been the most terrifying feature of the movie, the sense that at any time the world could be devoured by hell, and just stopped using it. Sure, they travel down into "hell" on the elevator, but even that world isn't as scary because you knew it was coming. You knew she was getting on in the real world and exiting in hell, but it was her choice. This is also the point when Rose meets other people and the movie becomes much more about her interactions with them then about her trying to figure out what's going on all by herself, proving that when isolation is a big theme, you don't put in a bunch of extra characters. Now secondly, we have the psychological aspect: what can I take away from this movie? Not a thing. Because this is a movie about monsters (who is the real monster, yadda yadda) the forms these monsters take is of vital importance, and they start out with the best monsters: the crying children monsters represent Rose's both her fear for her daughter and her projected feeling of isolation she knows Sharon must be feeling. And it goes downhill from there. Pyramid Head is here, probably the second best monster because he represents the most potent manifestation of the town's vengeance, but even then they don't use him well: in the final scene (where all the vengeance takes place, mind you) he doesn't even make an appearance. After that we have nurse monsters because, you know... nurses represent lost children and vengeance? All I'm saying is that instead of aping the video games, if they'd actually put a few seconds thought into it they could have created some very good and poignant monsters. Finally, I'd like to address the biggest disappointment, the final scene. I've already mentioned my dismay at the absence of Mr. Vengeance himself, but it goes so much further than that. I'll try to be spoiler free, but suffice it to say that there is a (ostensibly Christian) cult in the town that has pissed off the malevolent spirit (the nature of which is the big "surprise" that I'd figured out 2o minutes in) and at the end of the movie, the malevolent spirit arrives and enacts its Pyramid-Head-free vengeance. Two things: first of all, never base your movie climax on tentacle-rape hentai. Even before I knew it actually was I still felt kind of awkward during that scene. Secondly, you've already made it obvious this is a religious group, why'd you sissy out on the symbolism? When the spirit arrived Gans had an amazing opportunity to have it show up, arms out stretched, cross of living barbwire making it into a twisted version of Christ and the true being that these fallen souls worship. Instead the spirit sits with arms folded, seemingly contemptuous of the many ways this fell short of greatness.

Note: Excuse my rambling rant here, this is just a practice to get me back into the swing of things. Expect a new review on Saturday, hopefully more compressed and with less vitriole!

Starting up Again

Hey guys, sorry that I'm three days late! (Ha, humor.) Yeah, I think I'm ready to finally to start re-updating on Saturday, and I think that will be the norm from now on. I am no longer doing a daily article partly because I don't have time to either write or read/watch the material I'll be reviewing. So I need to find something to write on, but whatever it is it should be up this Saturday.

No posts for a while

I'm in the process of moving, and seeing how one contract ends today and the other begins on the 24th, I'll be staying at somewhere not here. The place I'm staying doesn't really have internet that I can just plug into, and so because I cannot gaurantee regular updates I will just declare hiatus and call it that.

So from now until around the 24th I will not be updating the blog.

Should I watch Scrubs?

The long and short of it: Yes
When was it made: 2001

Bill Lawrence's brainchild started as a parody of hospital drama shows such as ER, but has grown into one of the greatest show on television. It deftly combines humor and drama, starting the show with characters who either didn't know each other or had lasting relationships and mixing them together in such a way that when, in later seasons, they all know each other it was real bonds of friendship, love, and hate, not tacked on relationships just ascribed to the character. Sure there is some contrivance (it's a comedy show) and realism is not always held to a high standard, but it is so charming that they can be easily overlooked.

The show is either still on air or just finished its last season (I don't receive television programming: any series I review has been borrowed on DVD), so it is still fresh in the minds of those who watch it. It is also popular among college kids who grew up when the show first started. It's combination of humor and drama makes it a favorite that gets passed around and shared everywhere.

Scrubs takes place in a hospital, and some of its humor revolves around that fact, but don't worry, there isn't a lot of jargon or tech speak muddling up non-nerds who watch the show. However, a great deal of focus is put on interpersonal relationships, but it isn't done in a horribly cheesy way like some other hospital dramas. There is one relationship that I have trouble believing, but I won't spoil it for you, and you might disagree. Now because this deals with adults in adult relationships there are some naughty jokes, so beware of those, but the show is relatively clean. So if you can't stand any sexual content or don't want to be amused, don't watch Scrubs. But if you want to see a hilarious and yet poignant show about love, laughs, and medicine, than get your hands on Scrubs as soon as possible.

This show is fantastic, I'm not going to lie. If you don't like this show it could only be for personal reasons. Sure it does suffer from some of the sitcom shenanigans, but usually when that occurs it's a lampshade. They're not afraid to play around and lampoon themselves, but the relationships remain true to form throughout it all. The relationship between Turk and JD is my personal favorite-its funny to see two guys who are incredibly close friends, epitomized by the song Guy Love (Guy love/He's mine I'm his/There's nothing gay about it in our eyes). In fact, that song is my favorite scene from the entire show. I can't get enough of it. Their relationship is what makes you start watching, but the ones that branch of from it makes you stay.

Should I read I am Legend?

The long and short of it: Yes
When was it made: 1954

What's this? An undead apocalypse book? How passe! Oh why would anyone want to read another book like this? Because this is the original. Written by Richard Matheson, I am Legend is the book that spawned 3 movies and the entire modern zombie franchise. This is another case of Gandalf the Grey: it seems like a cliche because it established that cliche. It follows Robert Neville as he copes with the coming of the zombie (well, vampires. This isn't a modern pop culture book so the line is thinner than you'd think-I guess you'll just have to read it!) and with the crushing despair that isolation brings.

The recent Will Smith movie is a lot of people's first introduction to this book, but the book itself is very popular on the cult circuit because of its role in the beginning of the zombie craze. The book has actually had three movies based off of it, although I've heard only the original stays true to the book. The Will Smith rendition is close, but veers off wildly at the end. George Romero credits this book with inspiring his zombie work, so this is the book to read if you're looking for the first modern zombie book (and a modern vampire book that doesn't treat them like day-glow fairies).

Now the book is a zombie book, so it follows the pattern of slow story development pieces perforated with a few action sequences. However, odds are if you're reading the book you're a fan of the zombie mode of storytelling, and its not that different. Now this book deals with isolation and its effects a lot more than the movie, so at some points the action becomes intentionally monotonous to show the dangers monotony has: it is by no means dull, but it is something to be aware of. The book is not nearly as violent as many modern works about the undead, so even the queasy can read it easily. Now if you're looking for a non-stop zombie thriller full of exploding heads and a mortal bad ass fighting the horde, you'll be disappointed. But if you're looking for an "after the world has lost" kind of zombie survival horror with a few social messages, than look no further.

I thought the book was fascinating and worth every minute. I loved watching as Robert had to slowly stop living in the past and move onto the future: it is interesting to note how time wears away at him until he has become a man more fitting of the world in which he lives. I also enjoyed the ending much more than the ending of the latest movie: however, if you have seen the alternative ending apparently it is much closer to the book. Zombie horror thrives on suspense and not knowing the outcome, so I'll stop myself here so I don't give any spoilers. Suffice it to say, I think it is much more satisfying to find out firsthand why "I am Legend."

Should I watch Apocalypse Now?

The long and short of it: Maybe
When was it made: 1979

Famous for its long and arduous production, this Francis Ford Coppola film can be summarized in two words: too damn long. You see? Even my description of it went too long. The movie raises a lot of interesting points and makes you think about a lot of things. But I think that it suffers from that. It puts a whole lot of things in your head, but doesn't develop any of them. Perhaps the movie makes more sense if you were alive for the Vietnam conflict, and perhaps I just went in expecting it to be a shoot-em-up war movie.

This is a Vietnam war movie, which almost automatically grants it some level of immortality as this era of time is defined by controversial wars of assistance. It has a hefty stack of awards at its side and many call it a must see. Robert DuVall's performance is considered one of the most memorable in movie history, and the film is famous for exploring how war changes men.

Being a war movie there is lots of violence, and being a Vietnam war movie means there is a bit of nudity. The movie is dirty, hopeless, and rugged. People you want to live die, and those who live are forever changed. The movie does not really edit anything out in an attempt to emulate real war. If you are looking for a ra-ra America feel good war flick, go find a World War II movie. If you want a tiny window into the hell that is war and are willing to spend a long time doing it, go ahead and watch.

The movie had its good parts and its interesting parts. The beginning is fascinating, getting to see how war has made Willard unable to function when not in combat, and the entire Kilgore scene is gold, to see a man so enraptured with the thrill of victory that he laments the ending of war and "loves the smell of Napalm in the morning." We see people becoming less than human when confronted with horrible conditions, and we see that as Willard journeys further into Vietnam, he also travels further into the dark side effect of men killing men: insanity. You could travel with him and keep your mind intact, but only if you have the endurance to outlast this incredibly long movie.